outside the box 5
by Moneca Kaiser , August, 08 2011
I don’t recall ever having a holiday like this before until I write that and then realize that yes I have. I have been so very unproductive and surprisingly content living in the moment of course each moment is pretty easy to live it when it entails a nice meal with way too much fat, such overwhelmingly gorgeous architecture,fortunately I met a tour guide today named Anna, who told me I could buy photos off her web site cause I haven’t even really been taking photos so much in this lazy almost hazy present am I in with hardly even any thoughts in side.
It’s perhaps a little like how I was a a little girl, I always wished that I could tell about my imaginary friends or the some kind of fantastical films that play out in my head the way my magoo does who is one of my favourite people in the world and also share my per something propensity does that mean leanings towards nothingness… But no films happening here and I actually haven’t taken my video camera out even once so deep am I in this land of just being… It concerns me a little thinking I will never write anything really deep and beautiful again, have I mentioned i am working on my memoir, and I love writing that maybe even a little bit more than my blog. I know. That much, but it’s different its costly sometimes in a fetal position kind of way. When I can go really deep into a story but so many, what’s a word for friends who support one as an artist, but more who want for me to have a voice cause our world needs more voices, profound friends, I write about them here all the time, they are like superheros who emerge to carry me when I submerge to do this work that I feel is my life’s calling…
And being here in Hungary is much of this work and I need to remind myself that for me my art only emerges when, well not only but this kind of it emerges when I have lots of daydreamy, even though like i said its a pretty blank screen just non productive experiential easy and so unassuming and a little bit lonely but in a yummy kind of way easy leash time. Because of my training there’s no internal dialogue going on barely a pulse it feels like sometimes. I need to remind myself my true voice emerges sort of like how the hot springs do from underground here in Hungary and another peace of my story comes forth and I am seduced. Seduced cause writing is the most intimate and self loving and faithful experience I have ever known and sharing this makes us all one… That’s not it it, it’s like how when I am sitting in the Hungarian spas the bath houses that are so gorgeous with tiles and domes and people in all kinds of shapes but mostly I fall in love with the Italian women and i am not even interested in women that way and I realize we are all of water and in water and the water this Hungarian waters or rather these spring from eternal springs that our roman ancestors enjoyed here in Budapest too and that’s about as much as I think, in water of water… Mostly i just float.
Surprisingly I am the only one I see doing so. I float on my back staring up at the sky trying to be just conscious enough not to bump into anyone and disturb them. If floating was recognized as an Olympic sport i would bring home the platinum every time…. Often after I float the people who don’t feel to self conscious try it too and a group of seven women from Norway did but only one who could do it after she saw how i did and tried to teach her friends and one got it and we all laughed. I try to explain it but don’t know what makes it happen only that I am blessed that it does for me and sometimes I can inspire others to float too or to try which is every much as good.
With love from Budapest and hOpe you will forgive my lazy editing actually none in the spirit of being unproductive and still wanting to connect like the waters we are each of.
1 Comment
Selenasays:
September 11, 2011 at 5:03 pmMoneca, I was just thinking of you and wanted to see what you are up to. Am so glad you have taken a well-deserved break (or two… does the writer’s retreat count as a break?). Hope it prooves to be rejeuvenating.
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